Would Therapy Help Me With My Divorce?

November 29, 2019

A few common objections to seeking out a therapist include, 

“I can just change my behavior on my own or with friends, I don’t need to pay someone to help me.” 

Let’s face it. Many of us are not self-aware and often our friends and family don’t want to, for good reason, involve themselves in our lives, Not that you were soliciting their advice anyways, but even if you were, how candid or helpful do you think they will be? They may be struggling with problems that you’re unaware of and unable to offer support even if they wanted to. 

So you’re the do-it-yourself kind of person and you’ve never met a problem that you didn’t tackle yourself? The human brain is a complicated beast and your happiness is not a weekend warrior kind of project. How well can we really understand everything going on in our brains, especially when we are stressed with a divorce? 

Want proof that we’re not as self-aware as we think we are? As stated by Dr. Tasha Eurich in this article, 95 percent of people believe they are self-aware. In reality, only 10 percent to 15 percent actually merit the “self-aware” badge.

Furthermore, how long have you been trying to heal yourself? Are you giving yourself enough time and grace? What steps are you taking to get to a better mental space? 

Talking about your thoughts and feelings with a supportive, trained professional has been shown to aid in healing. Having someone who listens and can help you understand why you’re making the choices you’re making and how to adopt new ways of reacting can be instrumental to get you from intention to fruition.

Therapy is not reserved just for those with diagnosed mental conditions. Comparing what is going on in your life with anyone else is an exercise in futility. If something is impeding your ability to live a happy fulfilling life, then it needs to be addressed. We rely on doctors to help us with our physical health so why would we think we can go it alone when it comes to our mental health? 

“I feel ashamed about the divorce and I don’t want to talk to anyone about it.”

This could stem from a bad experience with therapy, or a loss of trust if you’ve confided in a friend or family member. There is likely shame from a failed marriage and people’s typical response to a divorce announcement reinforces that it is something to feel bad about. Consider, the oft used, “I’m so sorry” or “That must be very difficult” when in reality, continuing in your marriage would have led to an even worse outcome that the filing of divorce. 

Even though divorce is common, society has not fully embraced that it is not always an acrimonious battle. Consider how common it is when someone announces that they’re looking to file for divorce and someone responds, “You’ll need a lawyer. I know a great divorce attorney” or the person, similar to their approach with therapy, “I just need to figure some stuff out online or with a book. I can do a DIY divorce.” Of course there are instances where you should hire a divorce attorney or the division of assets is so simple a DIY divorce works, but there are also instances where mediation and therapy would be most beneficial. 

The Divorce Resource Centre of Colorado has established relationships with therapists and can make a recommendation for one that may best fit your individual needs. We understand a holistic approach to divorce is one way to “change the way society divorces, one couple at a time.”

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