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When you’re facing divorce, you have your hands full. The last thing you should have to worry about is an incompetent attorney or mediator who was supposed to guide you through the process. Make sure you can recognize what behaviors are unacceptable so you know what your options are. Below we cover five ways attorneys and mediators may fall short and what a good relationship should look like. 

  1. Lack of Communication 

What it Looks Like:

This is when your attorney or mediator is not responding to you or not responding within a reasonable amount of time. To make sure all parties are in the same page, your mediator or attorney should set expectations about how often they will communicate and how long it will take them to respond. Clear and consistent client communication is key so even you, the client, are receiving responses, if they are jumbled or nonsensical, this is just as bad as no response at all. 

What it Should Look Like:

At the Divorce Resource Centre of Colorado we give our clients written instructions in our getting started package to make sure our clients know how to reach us and when and for what. 

Generally in business, It’s reasonable to expect a call back within x24 to 48 hours amount of time. To account for the variabilities of life, both you and the attorney or mediator should set up autoresponders for any time where you or they will be unable to respond within a normal timeline. It is unreasonable to expect a response from your attorney or mediator outside of business hours unless they've behaved in a manner that would lead you to believe that calls or texts happen outside of those hours. If you want to ensure you know that your emails have been read, look for a email tracking solution

Can It Be Fixed? If you’re in the consultation phase, make sure to tell your attorney or mediator what you expect communication wise. Make sure your expectations line up.

The professional/firm you hire to guide you through your divorce should provide clear instructions up front as to how they manage communication timelines, and they should be held to their standards.  Remember, this is your divorce, your future and you are the boss….you hire your divorce professional and you have the right to fire your divorce professional. 

 

  1. Missing Deadlines

What it Looks Like:

If you have had to inform or remind your attorney or mediator about a deadline and missing that deadline ends up costing you money, that is a huge red flag and in most cases, warrants firing them.  

Look out for:

An example of a deadloine that was missed by one of our client's previous attorneys was not turning the discovery in time so the home appraisal was inadmissible, leading the client to be awarded a substantially lower amount. Another example: witness disclosures were not made timely resulting in rescheduling your court date.

What Should it Look Like: Dates and deadlines are clearly communicated via email and with enough notice if the client needs to provide information.

Can it be fixed? It depends. If the missed deadline doesn't affect you in a material way, i.e. money or lost time, it is not worth breaking up with your mediator or attorney. If they're missing deadlines, they're also likely not communicating well, so it's not uncommon for #1 and #2 on this list to operate in tandem. 

  1. Not Understanding Colorado divorce law 

What it Looks Like: 

The legal and mediation worlds depend heavily on details and facts which vary with the circumstances. Make sure that your attorney or mediator is asking relevant questions and fleshing out the details, especially related to finances and child support and parenting plans (if applicable) A failure to understand Colorado divorce law may arise if they are new practioners or if they not keeping up with changes to the law. The legal and mediation process depends heavily on the small facts which vary with the circumstances.

A competent attorney or mediator is required to have a solid understanding of the state divorce laws.  You may want to exercise caution in hiring an attorney who practices different types of law with family law being one of them.  Family law is very complex and case law is deep.  In addition to feeling a connection with the person you hire, it is important you're comfortable with their knowledge.  This means you may need to seek a second opinion. 

What it should look like: When they are as open and transparent with you about what their reasoning is. They put their logic into plain English without a bunch of convoluted phrases. 

Can it be fixed? This is especially tricky. You either know your stuff as they say, or you don't. There's not a speedy way to become more knowledgeable. Proceed with caution. 

 

  1. Not Doing Their Research 

What it Looks Like: 

Your research uncovers something they missed, etc. If you find that your lawyer or mediator has demonstrated clear ignorance or mistaken understanding of an issue of law, or has failed to understand the specific facts of your case; then maybe you aren’t getting the legal service that you paid for.

What It Should Look Like: Usually you won't know what they should have known, until its too late. However, here are clues that your attorney or mediator is the kind of divorce professional who crosses their t's and dots their i's. 

An example: Mixing up your case up with another client’s case and sending you their documents. 

Can it be fixed? Depends. If you suspect an error or oversight on the part of the professional, address it with them right away.

However, if you find that your lawyer has demonstrated clear ignorance or mistaken understanding of an issue of law, or has failed to understand the specific facts of your case; then maybe you aren’t getting the legal service that you paid for and you should seek another opinion.

Remember, the documents you produced as well as the reports/documents produced by the divorce professional belong to you.  You may request them to seek another professional to look at them and offer a second opinion.

 

  1. Telling You Only What You Want to Hear

Too many Yes’s are also a red flag.

What it Looks Like: Some lawyers and mediators are going to tell you what you want to hear. They need to be realists and not people pleasers. It may be that you have a very strong case, but there are no guarantees. Court is really a ‘crap shoot’ and to hear promises about your outcome would not be acceptable.You need a divorce professional who will give it to you straight so that there are no terrible surprises down the road. 

What it should look like: A no nonsense attorney or mediator who has been there and seen a lot. This is not about making you feel good, they're also there to manage client expectations.

Can it be fixed? 

Yes, if you are in the consulting phase you can spot this kind of behavior and seek another divorce professional. If you have already hired them, and that behavior was what reeled you in, you may need to adjust your expectations to be in line with the reality of divorce where the reality is unpredictability. 

If you are contemplating divorce, the professionals at the Divorce Resource Centre of Colorado can help. Give us a call at 303 468-5626.

A common, but less discussed divorce question is how a new relationship may change your parenting plan that you and your ex set up. In this month’s blog we look at legitimate reasons to be concerned about your ex’s new significant other. We’ll also talk about issues you may want to address when developing your parenting plan to head off potential problems later. Finally, we offer advice on when it’s time to talk with a divorce mediator to amend your parenting plan. 

First, what are NOT legitimate reasons to be concerned about your ex’s new love interest? 

Not liking the ex’s new partner isn’t a valid reason to disagree on child custody. There must be a significant reason to believe it would be detrimental to the children to be around to this new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Other reasons that are not valid when looking at changing a parenting plan include your concern that your child(ren) are becoming too close to him or her. Or maybe you don’t appreciate being kept in the dark. Maybe you found out about this person from your kids and not your ex. Unfortunate, yes, but not enough reason to involve outside parties. 

What are legitimate reasons to be concerned about your ex’s new relationship? 

Obviously, some causes for concern that may warrant amending the parenting plan include things like: the significant other has a criminal record, abuses drugs and or alcohol, or displays anger/violence around the children.

If the new partner is preventing you from being able to parent your children by not allowing you to speak with them or pick them up when it’s been agreed upon, that is also an issue. If your child’s physical or mental health is threatened by this person, that also rises to the level of getting a third party involved. 

Q: What if your child(ren) are being watched by this new partner when your ex is not present? 

A: Unless you included language to prevent this in your parenting plan, this is completely within your ex’s parental rights. Each of you has the  right to select a babysitter of his/her choosing for the child during your parenting time.

Issues you may want to address in your parenting plan to head off problems with new partners

Begin with the broad question, What happens when either of us enters a new relationship? 

As part of the development of your parenting plan, it is prudent to discuss issues that could negatively impact your co-parenting relationship with your ex. Issues such as:

A clearly written parenting plan provides parents and children with predictability and consistency; it also can prevent future conflict.  If you have a good relationship with the other parent, you may feel that you do not need a detailed plan. Even so, a parenting plan will be your guide if your relationship becomes less cooperative in the future. 

Advice when conflict arises with your ex's new partner

When to talk to a divorce mediator about your ex's new partner

Obviously, if the child(ren) are in any type of danger, it would be important to involve a lawyer or the authorities, depending on the nature of the issue.  

If you are noticing a deterioration in your co-parenting and/or communication with your ex, or if the children are expressing concerns that you determine may be valid, that is when it would be important to reach out to a mediator to discuss the issues before conflict escalates. You may not necessarily even have to amend the parenting plan. Just having a meeting with your mediator could reveal solutions you may have not thought of yet. 

If you are noticing any of these red flags related to your partner’s new love interest, give us a call to look over your parenting plan. While we can’t foresee every possible scenario, we can ensure that your child’s best interests are front and center and not being pushed on the back burner by your ex’s new partner. Give us a call at 303 468-5626 to discuss your individual situation. 

Social Security is one of the three major sources of retirement income alongside retirement and savings accounts. While retirement and savings accounts are subject to stops and starts and market volatility, social security benefits are steady and reliable. Thus, it’s no surprise many older Americans are especially dependent on their Social Security benefits. 

According to a 2015 survey by the Social Security Administration, about half of the population aged 65 or older live in households that receive at least 50 percent of their income from Social Security and roughly 25 percent of those eligible for Social Security rely on it for at least 90 percent of their income.

How does divorce affect your social security payments?

How does the death of an ex-spouse change the amount you receive?

How does remarriage adjust the amount of your social security check?

Knowledge is power and understanding each scenario helps you plan your post-divorce future. 

The following information is based on a presumption of one party in the marriage having earned less income throughout their working life than their spouse. If this is not the case and both spouses earned a roughly equal amount throughout their working lives, the following information is inapplicable. Remember, regardless of what you are entitled to based on the amount your ex-spouse earned, you still have your own social security benefit to draw from. 

How Does Divorce Affect Your Social Security Payments? 

If a couple was married for 10 years or longer and they divorce, the spouse who earned less is entitled to the greater of half of the amount of the higher earning spouse's Social Security benefit or 100% of their own benefit provided certain provisions are met:  

  1. the higher earning spouse is eligible for Social Security benefits (Note: eligibility and not application for Social Security benefits is the important distinction)
  1. The couple was married for 10 years before the divorce became final,
  2. the lower earning spouse is not re-married,
  3. the lower earning spouse is age 62 or older and,
  4. the lower earning spouse is not entitled to a social security benefit that equals or exceeds one-half the higher earning spouse’s benefit.

So, if the higher earning spouse is set to receive $2,500 a month in social security upon retirement, the lower earning spouse will receive a payment of half that amount and the higher earning spouse’s amount is not affected. 

Higher earning spouse $2,500/month

Lower earning ex spouse $1,250/month

If My Ex-Spouse or I Remarry, What Happens to Social Security Payments? 

Q: What if the higher earning spouse remarries?

A: If they are married to their second spouse for 10 years and they end up getting divorced, their second ex also receives a monthly benefit equal to half.  

The second marriage will have no effect on what the first ex spouse receives.The only time this will not be the case is if the higher earning spouse was to divorce a fifth spouse as the benefit stops with ex-spouse #4. 

Considering the 10 year marriage requirement for each marriage, it would be very unusual to ever have this scenario take place.

Higher earning spouse $2,500

Lower earning ex spouse #1 $1,250

Lower earning ex spouse #2 $1,250

Q: What if the lower earning spouse remarries? 

A: If the lower earning spouse is married and retires, they would look to their current spouse’s amount to calculate theirs. But if they have been married to spouse #2 for 10 years and they divorce,they are entitled an amount calculated as either: half of the first ex spouse’s benefit OR half of ex spouse #2’s benefits or their own, whichever is higher.  

Assume the lower earning spouse, who has not yet retired, starts to earn more money. In doing so, at retirement, they will be entitled to receive $1,350 a month from their own Social Security account.  When they retire, they choose between taking $1,350 from her own account, an amount based on half of spouse number #1’s account,  or half of spouse #2’s account. They may only choose one and will of course choose the highest amount. 

If My Ex-Spouse Dies, How Does This Change the Amount I Receive? 

What happens after the higher earning ex-spouse dies?

The lower earning ex spouse is entitled to widow/widower benefits if:

  1. the deceased was entitled to Social Security benefits,
  2. they were married for 10 years before the divorce became final,
  3. the surviving ex spouse is age 60 or over, or is between ages 50 and  60 and disabled,
  4. the surviving spouse is not married, and
  5. The surviving spouse is not entitled to a retirement benefit equal to or greater than the deceased’s benefit.

If a higher earning spouse leaves behind a second spouse, this survivor also gets the same if they meet the above five requirements.

A widow/widower’s remarriage after age 60 will not prevent them from being entitled to payments based on the deceased’s higher earnings.  

A widow/widower’s remarriage before age 60 will prevent entitlement unless the subsequent marriage ends, whether by death, divorce, or annulment.  If the subsequent marriage ends, the widow/widower may become entitled or re-entitled to benefits on the prior deceased spouse’s earnings beginning with the month the subsequent marriage ends.

Example: Assume Kathy’s first husband died.  At age 58, she met a wonderful widower, James, and wanted to get remarried but she realized that she would lose her entitlement to all of the deceased spouse’s Social Security benefits when she turned age 60. This may explain why Kathy and James may decide to not get married. 

Now that we understand what happens to social security payments after divorce, remarriage and death, we’re better prepared for our post-divorce future. Having a full picture allows us to ease some of the anxiety brought on by divorce, especially in our more “experienced” years. 

If you have questions about social security, retirement and understanding your financial future post-divorce, give us a call at 303 468-5626. Understanding your circumstances is the best way for a divorce mediator to show you your options and work with you and your soon to be ex on resolutions you both can agree to. 

Recently, a very popular feature of the New York Times, Modern Love, featured an essay written by one half of a formerly married couple who share custody of their 8 year old and live under the same roof, albeit in different living quarters. There are various reasons why divorcing couples might consider co-habitation after divorce, but it does present some legal and emotional hurdles to clear. 

Consider the scenario if the couple has children requiring one spouse to pay child support to the other parent or if the court ordered that an ex-spouse pay alimony to the other ex-spouse. 

If theere's co-habitation after divorce, the support obligation may be altered to reflect the fact that the person paying the support or alimony is living with the recipient and reducing their expenses.

There are many pitfalls to consider when contemplating a post-divorce living arrangement involving sharing the family home once divorced.  That is why it is crucial to engage a CDFA-Certified Divorce Financial Analyst in your case. You will need someone who understands the potential tax and financial issues that can arise.

If you have children that you will be co-parenting, obviously it is not prudent to expose them to conflicts and fights that can occur over finances and/or the parenting plan.

Questions to Consider if You Plan to Live Together Post Divorce

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So You Think Co-Habitation After Divorce Will Work For You and Your Ex

Perhaps you and your spouse feel this would be a workable living arrangement, and it may well be for your family--it just requires the proper planning involving the right expert up front.

We provide consultations to divorcing spouses about unique living situations like these. To flesh out your questions about cohabitation, schedule a 20 minute call with one of our experienced divorce professionals.

The decision to stay in the marital home during the divorce process is not one to make lightly. Before changes to the tax law in 1997, divorcees could face a hefty capital gains tax following the sale of family home. Thankfully, tax law has changed. 

However, the capital gains tax exemption of up to $250,000 for a single person and $500,000 for a couple, does come with some caveats. In this blog we discuss these conditions and what divorcing couples need to know about the sale of marital home. 

Although Colorado taxes capital gains at 4.63%, our smoking hot real estate market may still mean you’ll owe capital gains tax if you don’t qualify for the exemption. 

For instance, let’s say you bought a home in the Denver metro area in 2011. Back in June 2011, the median home value dropped as low as $232,000. In November 2021, the month for which the most recent info is available, this amount jumped to $538,000. So in this case, the sale generated a profit of $306,000. In order to be exempt from paying capital gains on anything over $250,000, three conditions must be met. 

  1. You owned the home for a total of at least two years in the five-year period before the sale.
  2. You used the home as your primary residence for a total of at least two years in that same five-year period.
  3. You haven't excluded the gain from another home sale in the two-year period before the sale.

Note: A primary or principal home is a home where you've lived for at least two of the five years prior to the sale.

The first condition for a spouse to meet concerns what the IRS refer to as the “ownership period”

If one spouse, pursuant to a divorce decree or separation agreement is required to grant the other spouse the right to temporary possession of the home, but retains title to the home, and the home is later sold, the spouse that left will be treated as having owned the home for the period of time that the occupying spouse owned the home as principal residence. The one who left gets to assume the ownership period of the spouse who remains. 

The second condition is the “use period”

To qualify for the home sale capital gains tax exemption, you need to show you “used” or lived in the home as their principal residence for two out of the past five years.  The IRS actually looks at the two out of the past five years as 24 months out of the past 60 months. And they don’t need to be 24 continuous months, just 24 cumulative months.

Keep in mind that both soon to be ex spouses must be owners during sale of marital home to take the $250,000 exclusion.

The third condition is the “two year rule”

This means that if you sell after owning for less than two years, you’ll need to pay capital gains tax on any profit. The exemption only can apply after you’ve reached two years of ownership.

Our recommendation when one spouse moves out of the home is to get it in writing that you have an agreement for one spouse to remain in the home but that the spouse who left remains a co-owner. Make sure to include that this is pursuant to a divorce mediation or court order. 

Another important thing to note is to spell out how proceeds of the sale of marital home will be split. The tax liability does not necessarily go hand in hand with the way that the proceeds are split pursuant to the divorce decree.  So, for example, if John owns half the house and Mary owns half the house then each of them are responsible to pay taxes on their half of the house and if, under the property settlement, Mary was entitled to get all of the proceeds, or perhaps 75% of the proceeds, those are two separate things.

If one or both of you lived in a nursing home, the use requirement may be lessened to one year and if you claimed a home office exemption, this amount must be deducted from the $250,000 exemption. To fully understand all the conditions, exceptions and what you need to memorialize in writing, we suggest working with a financial professional. Each of our mediators at the Divorce Resource Centre of Colorado is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. We welcome your questions about the sale of the marital home in a complimentary 20 minute call with one of our experienced staff. 

If you are recently divorced and have worked out your post divorce holiday schedule with your ex, can you sit back and relax and enjoy the mashed potatoes? Maybe. This post divorce holiday season, consider a few key areas to make sure the holidays are as stress free as they can be for your children. Mainly, these areas of concern involve grandparents, holiday traditions and suggestions for how to divide holiday celebrations. 

In this blog post, we discuss post divorce holiday concerns with suggestions and input from our clients. So whether you say Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa or Yuletide Greetings, know that you’ve done your best to make the holidays happy and bright for your children. After all, research shows positive childhood memories serve as “anchors” and provide comfort when life takes an unexpected turn. Another bonus? Happy childhood memories help children regulate stress, build concentration, and increase their attention span.

Holiday Consideration #1 - The Grandparents

You may be keenly aware of how you and your ex spouse are navigating the post divorce holiday season, but what about your in-laws and your parents are dealing? Flexibility is a really important skill for children to master but acknowledge when their grandparents might not be as amenable to a change of plans. These adaptations are only something to be upset about if we can’t see the value in what is truly important and that is whatever time spent together should be quality time. Does spending less time at your in-laws or your parents home make it any less special? Of course not. Also, being beholden to Christmas eve or Christmas Day can spell disappointment if you’re trying to juggle multiple home visits. Where is the harm in planning a “Christmas visit” on December 27th if it works for everyone’s schedule? 

If grandparents are able and willing to travel, offer to host them at your home to minimize the drive time and lessen the need for everyone to prepare a meal and clean and prepare their home. On the other end of the spectrum, if grandparents are loathe to change their holiday plans and insist on having things their way regardless of how it affects the children, it’s time to employ the “We’re sticking with (insert the blank) arrangement this holiday season. If you’d like to see the kids in January, we’d be happy to set up a time then. (See consideration #3) Remember, as a wise and funny person once said, You are not pizza, you can’t please everyone. We add, “Nor should you, especially at the expense of you or your family’s happiness or stress level.”

Consideration #2 - Doing the same activities you did as a family but without the other parent is a bad idea

Keep in mind that a different life warrants different celebrations. Consider that the activities you enjoyed as a family don’t transfer when one party is no longer there. Especially if the reason you began going out and chopping down a tree was because your ex husband always did with his family. Why would you want to keep up a tradition that didn’t even originate with your marriage? What is something you can create with your children to create a new tradition? It doesn’t have to be earth shaking. Ideas include holiday movies and tree decorating. Caroling in your neighborhood or having a white elephant exchange, the possibilities are endless. Even if you decide not to celebrate in a particular way or with a festive dish - it doesn’t mean your children won’t get a dose of nostalgia elsewhere (See grandparents or other spouse) 

 

Consideration #3 - Creative Ways to Split up the Holidays

Alternate Holidays

One popular way is to alternate holidays with your ex spouse so for instance, Christmas Eve is spent with one parent one year and with the other parent the following year. When this has been agreed to, it allows each parent to make plans a year in advance based on this schedule. Alternating holidays means more uninterrupted time and not having to rush from one location to another. The obvious downside to alternating may be most acutely felt by the parent who doesn’t make plans or stay busy when they are without their children. 

Splitting Holidays

Another holiday arrangement is splitting holidays. When you split holidays, the child’s holiday time is split between both parents. This way, each parent has the child for a specific number of hours or until a set time. In most cases, one parent takes the child for the first half of the day while the other parent gets the second half. This will work best if you ive relatively close to your ex-spouse and when you have a pretty amicable relationship as there will be more regular exchanges between you two. The downside occurs if you feel rushed as you only have half day to spend with your children but you try to squeeze an entire days activity in half the time. 

Fixed Holidays

A third arrangement is fixed holidays. This might happen when spouses practice different religions and their respective religious or cultural celebrations fall on non overlapping days. When these fixed holidays control the schedule, it removes  contention and allows for time for each parent to celebrate in a way that doesn’t take away time from their ex spouse. 

Double Holidays

A fourth arrangement is to double up on the post divorce holiday with two or even four potential Christmases, New Years’s etc. if the children have both grandparents and there’s no way to combine visits. The upside is that the children get to celebrate all the holidays with all the possible family members so long as distance is not an issue. However, perhaps instead of four gifts, it may be less contentious to buy joint gifts so it doesn’t turn into a gifting competition and too many toys taking over each spouse’s home. 

Keep Post Dirvorce Holiday The Same as Pre-Divorce

A fifth way to divvy up holidays is to celebrate the holidays together as you did pre-divorce. Obviously you’ll want to discuss if significant others will also be included prior to remarriage but this arrangement is the closest reincarnation of pre-divorce life. 

Let Parenting Plan Dictate Post Divorce Holiday

The final way to deal with holidays is to allow the parenting plan to dictate holidays. This can be easier to plan around since you know in advance if your ex spouse has Thursdays through Sundays and if Christmas eve and Christmas Day fall in that window, then you can keep to the parenting plan without any extra discussion. 

Selecting any of these arrangements is preferable to turning to your ex spouse each year and saying, “So what should we do about the holidays?” There’s no rule that you have to pick one way and stick with it for eternity either. Flexibility helps them navigate social challenges in their own lives. We’ve all seen adults who are severely deficient in flexible thinking and since this executive function is set by the age of 20, making their behavior nearly impossible to change, our children still have time to learn this important life skill. 

The holiday season is full of memories, nostalgia, traditions and this doesn’t change with a divorce decree. Get creative, stay flexible and keep the lines of communication open with all family members who appreciate the magic of the holidays. Consider this blog post as just another piece of advice from a divorce professional reminding you to keep your expectations hopeful, celebrate your own way and remain cordial. Each month, check out our blog for more friendly tips and advice.

What will your post divorce life look like? 

When you’ve made a lifetime commitment of marriage, facing a divorce brings up all kinds of uncertainties and accompanying questions.

Questions like: 

At the Divorce Resource Centre we take a process oriented approach to these questions DURING the divorce mediation process. Whether you come to us first, or after you’ve worked with an attorney, we take you through our process so you have a system you can rely on. Goals get all the attention when developing a process and creating a system are much more important. 

This is true especially when you’re planning what the rest of your life will look like. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits said it best, “The purpose of setting goals is to win the game. The purpose of building systems is to continue playing the game. Systems are the processes that lead to those results.”  

Divorce mediation is not about winning the game, it’s about finding a long term peaceful resolution. So do you have a system and a process to get there? The Divorce Resource Centre of Colorado has a six part process to arrive at a peaceful resolution. Below we discuss each step in our unique process in more detail.  

#1 Understand Your Finances to Deal with Divorce

The first step is gaining clarity about your financial situation. We focus on your current and future financial situation, your goals and guiding principles. The financial needs of the children are also part of this process. In this step, we offer initial observations and possibilities for the outcome of your case, all while taking the time to ensure that you understand each part of the mediation roadmap. 

#2 Get Your Soon to be Ex-Spouse on the Same Page

DRCC’s next step is working to make sure you and your soon to be ex spouse are on the same page. We ask the right questions to uncover your thoughts about dividing one household into two, financially and where both parents stand on various parenting issues. You’ll gather your thoughts using straightforward worksheets and have a chance to express your point of view on any issues of concern so that we can properly facilitate your discussions and agreement.

#3 Create a Budget and Cash Flow Analysis to Deal with Divorce

The third step in our divorce mediation process is creating forward focused budgets and a cash flow analysis. With our guidance, you’ll create a realistic, forward-looking spending plan to implement and rely on as you rebuild financially post-divorce. 

Each member of our team is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst so we go over: 

#4 Got Kids? Figure out their Post Divorce Reality

The fourth step in our divorce mediation process is for parents. We believe that while your marriage ends, your family continues and care should be taken to ensure you enjoy healthy lives and relationships post-divorce. We’ll help you create a parenting plan (not an order) to meet your children’s needs and family’s best interest. 

#5 Negotiate and Agree with your Soon to Be Ex Spouse 

The fifth part of our process is negotiation and agreement. With all the details about your income, property, budgets, and parenting factors in mind, we’ll make sure you have what you need to have effective conversations with your counsel and other advisors and successfully finalize your divorce. 

Relevant documents we’ll complete include: 

# 6 Come to a Conclusion by Finalizing with Documents/Checklists

The final step in DRCC’s process is the mediation conclusion.  We empower both of you with a plan for successful implementation of a post-divorce life—one that meets the unique needs of your family. This includes a thorough post-divorce checklist review. 

With so many what ifs and contingencies, even type B personalities are not immune to the stress of divorce. Did you know divorce is ranked #2 on the The Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale, right behind the death of a spouse? For an overview of our process, check out our divorce mediation roadmap. Better yet, when you’re ready to move closer to a better post divorce future, take the next step with a 20 minute complimentary phone consultation with a member of our team. We’ll both ask clarifying questions to better understand what is happening with you and your partner. 

You and your spouse have made the decision to divorce. So what happens to your savings accounts, furnishings, and most importantly your home? In this blog post, we look at how property is divided in Colorado, what makes property subject to division and behaviors to avoid if your divorce mediation is underway. 

How is Property Divided in Colorado? 

Whether you are proceeding with an attorney assisted divorce or a divorce mediation, the ground rules for property division in Colorado are the same. Colorado follows the doctrine of equitable distribution when it comes to dividing marital property. Do not be fooled that because equitable and equal share the same first three letters, that the two words are interchangeable. It’s a bit more nuanced than that. 

What Does Equitable Mean? 

Equitable is not the same thing as equal but it doesn’t rule out that an equal division might sometimes be in order. An equitable solution is the solution based on what is just, fair, and right, in consideration of the facts and circumstances. 

For example, if both parties to the marriage bought a sofa together and each person contributed $500 and both parties make roughly the same amount of money, what would be a way to make an equitable distribution?  If they couldn’t come to an agreement about who gets to keep it, a judge or mediator may advise them to sell the couch and divide the proceeds equally. 

In this instance, equitable worked out to be equal because each party was in relatively the same situation and contributed the same amount of money. 

But, when you consider how rare it is that parties to a marriage will be on the same footing financially at that point, or into the future, it makes a lot more sense that Colorado uses a system of equitable distribution. Forty one states besides Colorado use equitable distribution while only Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin are community property states. In community property states,  there is equal division among the spouses. 

What Does Equitable Distribution Really Mean for Colorado Couples? 

In Colorado, equitable distribution means property will be divided by the court or divorce mediator in a manner that is deemed fair to both parties. Note: spouses are free to come to a decision on their own. You do not have to make the determination for all items deemed marital property before they leave the house or are sold. Couples who can agree about what to do with any given item, marital or separate, can make those decisions and not wait for a mediator or judge to decide. 

To make a determination about what to do with marital property, a court or mediator looks at all the factors. 

Common factors include, but are not limited to: 

Remember, Only Marital Property is Subject to Equitable Distribution

The property of couples divorcing in Colorado is deemed to be either marital or separate property. Separate property is property brought into the marriage by that spouse, and or Property they received during the marriage by gift or inheritance. Compare this to marital property that covers anything acquired after the marriage. 

The main determining factor for marital property is, was the item bought, or the account opened before the marriage began? If yes, it’s deemed separate property. If not, it’s marital property. The date of marriage is what controls. 

Even if you opened up a savings account at the bank in your name only and only you made deposits into it, it is still marital property if you opened it after you were married. 

Where it gets a little tricky is when one party co-mingles their separate property with the marital property, which changes the nature of the separate property. 

Below are a few ways that co-mingling money changes separate property to marital property: 

Your Divorce Mediation is Underway, So What Can You Do About Property? 

It boils down to keeping meticulous records. If you want to make a purchase and make sure it remains separate property, then use funds out of an account with only your name on it and keep records about the funds used to make the purchase. Also, it is never a good idea to sell or give away any of your property while your divorce proceedings, including mediation, are underway. The way around this is to come to a mutual agreement, especially if one party, or both, desperately needs the money. However, it is best practices and will keep things running more smoothly if you don’t move money around and don’t buy any big ticket items during this time. Yes, we’ve heard the news that interest rates will begin to rise by the end of 2022 but that doesn’t exempt you to ignore the “no big purchases” rule of thumb. 

Divorce Mediation and Property Division

Our roadmap to resolution breaks down our 8-12 week mediation process. Property division is part of step 2 of our 6 step process and only comes after clarifying your future financial situation, your goals and guiding principles. We can guide you in making the kind of property decisions that best suit your unique circumstances without the tension usually experienced in an attorney led process. 

To find out more about our process, please schedule a complimentary 20 minute consultation’ with one of our experienced divorce mediators. 

We’ve all heard about divorces dragging on for months and even years. Some high profile divorce cases such as the Rosendales in California and Purpuras in New York lasted 12 and 21 years respectively! While decade plus long divorces are not the norm, attorney-led divorces will take longer than divorce mediation.

If you’re considering divorce mediation, this blog explores how the divorce mediation process is designed to move more quickly than attorney-led divorce, factors that affect the timeline and how clients can ensure their divorce mediation is swift.  

Divorce Mediation vs. Traditional Attorney Led Divorce

The Divorce Resource Centre of Colorado’s divorce mediation process is designed to last 8-12 weeks. We plan on four to five two-hour meetings, occurring every two weeks. When all parties are aware of this timeline and agree to proceed in good faith, it is much easier for them to stick to this schedule. 

Compare our divorce mediation timeline to the traditional attorney-led divorce in Colorado which lasts on average six to 12 months

There are many reasons that an attorney-led divorce will take longer and some are outside of your control. A big factor is the way the legal system is designed. Every time you or your spouse files a motion in court, you have to give each other a certain number of days advance notice that you will be presenting that motion in court. 

Not to mention, the party receiving the motion is given a certain amount of time to respond to it. The same thing is true for the next motion filed, and the next and so on. 

Furthermore, attorney-led divorces are dependent on the court’s calendar. Consider that you have to get a hearing date on the docket to start proceedings. Unfortunately, if the court’s calendar is full, you may have to wait weeks or months. COVID-19 threw a wrench into Colorado’s family court machine in 2020 and just as courts were catching up in 2021, there is a new spike of cases with the Delta variant which may lead to another slowdown. 

Another factor at play in a traditional divorce is your attorney’s diligence. If your attorney needs more time to gather evidence or respond, or your spouse’s attorney needs the same, everything grinds to a halt for a continuance. 

When you have acrimony over agreement, your attorney ends up spending more time, albeit more time fighting for your best interests. 

Another factor that makes traditional divorce take longer is the need for outside experts. All divorces involve financial considerations, but while lawyers are experts in divorce and family law, they are rarely also credentialed financial advisors. This means they need to bring in an outside financial expert. To throw more uncertainty into the mix, the outside financial professional has existing clients and their own schedule.

Compare this to the Divorce Resource Centre of Colorado where all of our mediators are Certified Divorce Financial Analysts (CDFAs.) We advise you what financial documents you need, how to obtain them and can analyze them and make recommendations for both of you.

Factors that Affect How Long Divorce Takes

The factors that affect a traditional divorce and a divorce mediation are the same. As a general rule, the longer a marriage lasts, the more work is involved. If the couple has children, there are parenting schedules and decisions around where to live and go to school to decide. If there is a high net worth, there are more financial considerations at hand. Another important factor is the willingness of each party to want to resolve the divorce in a swift but fair fashion. 

Below we discuss each of these factors in more detail. 

Length of Marriage 

It makes sense that a marriage that lasted three years would involve less complications than a 25 year marriage. The longer a couple is married, the more property they acquire and all of this property is subject to division upon divorce. Also, the longer a couple is married the more debts they may have racked up, whether it’s credit card debt or business related obligations. 

Whether You Have Children 

The age of the children and whether they have special needs will also have an effect since visitation and custody depends on school schedules and extracurricular activities. Also, if the children have special needs, they will have appointments and additional expenses related to therapy, mobility, etc. If your children are very young, you will have to make decisions on their behalf and may even want to slow down the divorce process so they are better able to deal with the emotions they’re experiencing.

The Net Worth of the Marriage 

More money, more problems, right? Couples with a significant net worth have more property and it will take longer to decide how to divide it up. When your net worth is lower, you usually only have your home and a few possessions, whereas a high net worth couple may have an inheritance or trust, real estate investments, business interests, retirement accounts, stocks and bonds, jewelry and artwork.

Whether Divorcing Spouses Can Remain Amicable

One reason divorcing spouses choose an attorney-led divorce is because they don’t want to be taken advantage of by their soon-to-be ex-spouse. They want an advocate fighting for their best interests. Divorcing spouses in these situations are encouraged to communicate through their attorneys. Traditional divorce is not designed to encourage amicable resolution. It’s about scoring a win and not letting up any ground. 

The opposite is true with divorce mediation. Both spouses must agree that cooperation is the only way that a third party mediator can usher in an agreement that each party can live with. Couples who choose mediation can communicate amicably with the same end goals in mind - a better post divorce future for both of them. 

How You Can Ensure Your Mediation Doesn’t Drag On 

A few of the factors affecting the length of time of mediation are outside of your control. Ending a 20 year union will inevitably be more complicated than dissolving a two year marriage. We’re also not encouraging you to cast off your earthly possessions in an attempt to simplify property division. 

However, you can prepare yourself for the financial analysis involved and look for ways to improve the communication between you and your soon-to-be ex. 

Start by gathering the financial documents to bring to mediation. Sign up at the bottom of this page to receive our FREE divorce checklist with an itemized list of the documents you need. 

As far as communication, make sure you find the time to talk with your soon-to-be ex about your shared goals BEFORE beginning mediation proceedings. Finally, we recommend familiarizing yourself with our divorce mediation process so you are ready for what each step requires. Preparation will help to expedite the divorce process. 

Finally, you’re only a few clicks away from a FREE phone consultation with one of our experienced mediators.

If you’ve ever Googled “What will divorce mediation cost?” chances are you’re still confused. You may see a cost of $150 per session but they don’t tell you how long a session lasts. You may see results like, “The entire divorce cost is $750….  depending on how their mediation proceeds.” How it proceeds? Does this mean if it gets especially contentious, the divorce mediation cost will reflect this? Or does it mean, give or take a few hundred or thousands depending on how long it takes and how unique your situation is. 

Another estimation found online provides a range of $3,000-$8,000 for the entire process. While a range is a better way to account for the uniqueness of each divorcing couple's situation, two questions remain, what are you getting for your divorce mediation dollars and shouldn’t divorce mediators be more transparent? 

Let’s address both questions below. 

What are you getting for your divorce mediation dollars? 

It depends on the individual or firm you hire. When you look at a divorce mediation website, look at the biographies and background of their staff. Are they Certified Divorce Financial Analysts? Do they have CDFA after their name? 

If not, you may need to hire one separately so you have peace of mind that a complete financial analysis was done prior to deciding how you’ll split assets. If you own a business for example, are you confident that your divorce mediator, without a financial background, can fairly evaluate its worth? 

Do they have experience with high conflict personalities? A tip off is if they have a certification or they have completed coursework in this area. Divorce mediation works best when both parties agree to mediate and not litigate, but it doesn’t mean you and your soon to be ex-spouse will be amicable throughout the process. Conflict can come up during this process so it’s best to have a team with the experience to handle it and help you two proceed to a resolution. 

Does your divorce mediator or divorce mediation team have someone who  supports, motivates, and guides people going through divorce to help them make the best possible decisions? If you are relying on friends or your therapist to fill this role, is that fair to your friends? Does your therapist only have your point of view? 

If your divorce mediator is also a certified divorce coach - they have the tools, experience and training to support and guide you through the challenging maze of divorce related emotions. 

If your divorce mediator just does divorce mediation, keep in mind you may need to expand your team and hire experts in financial matters and a divorce coach to specifically address those areas. 

So back to dollars and cents. Divorce mediation cost should be considered in light of what roles they can fill. 

At the Divorce Resource Centre of Colorado our team is comprised of individuals with the following certifications: divorce coach, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and divorce mediator. 

In addition, we’re no strangers to working with attorneys too. Our team has participated in hundreds of collaborative divorces each spouse has chosen a divorce mediator and an attorney for each spouse. 

Shouldn’t divorce mediators be more transparent? 

Absolutely. Transparency instills trust and that’s why we explain our costs on our website. 

For instance, if your combined household income is less than 125,000 and your total assets are less than $1,000,000, our retainer is $5,000.

*Pricing structures can vary based on levels of conflict, parenting and financial issues encountered throughout the process. The initial consultation provides an accurate estimate for the cost of your case.

There are two ways to see if DRCC is a good fit for your divorce mediation needs. The first is to book a complimentary 20 minute phone consultation.  Select the date and time that works for you and be prepared to relay your particular situation to our team. 

Or, if you’re ready to dive deeper into the process, we’re available for an initial consultation. This initial divorce mediation consultation lasts 90 minutes and costs $250. If you decide to hire us for mediation, the initial consultation cost is applied to the cost of your case.  

Confusion during divorce is normal but being confused about price is entirely avoidable. 

ABOUT
At Divorce Resource Centre of Colorado, we have a team of seasoned Certified Divorce Financial Analysts (CDFA) who provide a cost-effective, respectful mediation process that allows couples and families to rebuild a secure post-divorce future.
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